Do not talk badly about my other parent. (This makes me feel guilty, shameful and torn apart. It makes me not trust you and not like myself).
Do not talk about my other parent’s friends or relatives. (Let me care for someone even if you do not).
Do not talk about what my other parent has done or other grown-up stuff (This makes me sick. Please leave me out of it).
Do not talk about money or child support. (This makes me feel guilty or like I am a possession or a burden).
Do not try to make me feel guilty when I enjoy my time with my other parent. (This makes me afraid to trust you and tell you things).
Do not block my visits or stop me from talking to my other parent on the phone. (This hurts me deeply).
Do not expect me to remember to call you or my other parent or blame me when I don’t (I feel guilty when I forget and it’s not my job to remember. It’s your custody agreement — not mine!)
Do not interrupt my time with my other parent by calling too much or by planning activities during our time together. (It means a lot to me to spend time with each of you because I came from both of you).
Do not argue in front of me or on the phone when I can hear you! (This makes me feel disloyal and dishonest!)
Do not ask me to keep secrets from my other parent. (This makes me feel anxious and overburdened).
Do not ask me questions about my other parent’s life or about our time together. (This makes me uncomfortable so just let me tell you when I’m ready).
Do not give me verbal messages to deliver to my other parent. (I feel really anxious about their reaction. So please call them and talk to them yourself).
Do not send written messages with me or place them into my bag. (This makes me not trust you).
Do not blame my other parent for the divorce or for things that go wrong in your life. (This really hurts, and I end up wanting to defend them from your attack. When you say you hate my other parent, you are also saying you hate me. Please stop putting me in the middle!)
Do not treat me like an adult. It causes way too much stress for me. (Try to find a friend or counselor to talk with).
Do not use guilt to pressure me to love you more. I love both of you!
Do let me take items to my other home as long as I can carry them back and forth. (Otherwise it makes me feel like my belongings aren’t really mine, and they are more important than I am).
Do not ignore my other parent or sit on opposite sides of the room during my school or sports activities. (This hurts me more than you know. You can be friendly with each other just for me).
Do let me love both of you and spend as much time with each of you as possible. Be flexible even when it is not part of our regular schedule. (I’ll only get one childhood. Don’t ruin it!)
Remember, I absorb everything you do whether it is right or wrong. Your choices affect me greatly!
Thank you so much for listening to me,
Your Loving Child(ren)
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If you are divorced or separated and share custody, post these rules somewhere both you and your children will see them every day, as a reminder of your commitment to care. Ask your child to let you know if you forget one of the rules. Thank your child for trusting you enough to give you feedback and never reprimand them for doing as you have asked!
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I’ve made some edits, but did not create this article. It has been “floating around” the internet for enough years that it is unclear who did. But it is valuable enough that I decided to share it here, but surely do not want to take credit for someone else’s work.