Raising children is among the most difficult – and most rewarding – things adults can do. But it isn’t easy. No two children are exactly the same and every child has different needs. Unfortunately, children do not come with operating manuals.
Many children develop behavioral and emotional issues. In fact, the current crop of teens is widely considered the most depressed generation in history, with a rate of formal diagnosis of anxiety or depression of 8.4%. Even our youngest children are not immune. A recent survey revealed that one in eighteen preschool children had a diagnosable mental health disorder!
Theories abound to explain this increase in mental health problems. Many blame the internet and social media. Surely there is truth to that, but it can’t be the whole story. Naysayers have blamed every new technology, from the printing press to the telegraph to the telephone, for the impending end of the world as we know it. Others blame the breakdown of social values; but people have been saying that for literally thousands of years. Still others blame the schools, citing both exam pressures and declining standards; obviously, both cannot be true! Of course, we can also blame economic pressures; but depression rates are actually higher now than during the Great Depression of the 1930s. Finally, it is popular to blame movies, video games and other media. The truth is, we don’t know why our kids are having more behavioral and emotional problems than ever before.
There is also a growing awareness that children and teens who feel that they don’t “fit in” are especially prone to mental health issues. For example, high school students who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans are almost five times as likely to attempt suicide compared to their non-LGBTQ peers. It is important that kids feel loved and accepted. If they don’t get that at home, they surely will seek it elsewhere.
But what can parents do?
First, we can pay attention to our kids. Listen to them. Watch for behavior changes. But don’t jump to conclusions. Most of us have read articles that caution that sudden behavior changes are warning signs for drug abuse, suicide, and a raft of other problems. While this might be true, sudden behavior changes are part of growing up. Every child and family is different, but every child and teen wants to be heard, respected and loved.
Second, we can ensure that kids get the help they need. Depression and anxiety disorders, the most common mental health problems, are highly treatable. Early intervention is the key. Don’t assume that the problem is a “phase,” or that your child will “grow out of it.” Talk to your pediatrician, but don’t be too quick to seek medication. Have your child assessed by a qualified counselor, social worker, psychologist or other therapist; preferably with training and experience working with kids like yours. Ask questions. Ensure that the therapist is willing to communicate closely with you, as parents are critical parts of every child or teen’s world.
Don’ t be offended if your pediatrician or therapist asks about abuse, neglect and other uncomfortable topics. We now know that many emotional, behavioral and even physical ailments of children, teens and adults are related to adverse childhood experiences. The more such experiences a person has, the greater the risk of chronic disease, mental illness, violence, suicide, or being a victim of violence, as well as smoking, alcoholism, cancer, emphysema, chronic bronchitis and other physical health problems.